So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
