I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Fuck appropriateness.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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