She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
