i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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