she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
