i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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