I hope mine doesn't look like that
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
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Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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