I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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