I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
