I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize