??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
