Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
