Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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