Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i love accidental penises.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
