The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
