Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
