May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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