If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
