somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
