remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
