Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
