I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
