ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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