I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
