Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
