I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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