Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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