in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
