We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
