You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your penis caused this!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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