Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
