She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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