my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
