I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
