I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
