Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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