So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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