I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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