70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
