Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
