You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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