I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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