Just cropdusted the office
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"