At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.