I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
