he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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