If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
