your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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