So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
