dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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