all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
