I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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