You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
