Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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