i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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