Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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