im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize